Teaching Colorism: The Power of a Story (Part 1)

Teaching Colorism: The Power of a Story (Part 1) | Heritage Mom

source: https://heritagemom.com/index.php/2020/08/27/teaching-colorism-the-power-of-a-story-part-1/

My husband and I are the exact same shade of brown - so much so that we've been mistaken for siblings more times than I can count. We have four biological children and, naturally, they all share our complexion. Except the one who doesn't.

Discrimination based on skin color, also known as colorism or shadeism, is a form of prejudice or discrimination in which people who are usually members of the same race are treated differently based on the social implications which come with the cultural meanings which are attached to skin color.

When my brownest baby popped out, I knew by the skin around her fingernail beds and the edges of her ears that she would be browner than our first-born. I was delighted by every inch of her beautiful prayed-over body, and I looked forward to seeing what she would look like when her "color came in." As she grew, she got browner and browner, and ultimately, she became a sweet and smooth brown that fits her features perfectly.

When people think of racism, they usually think it is only committed against people who are outside their ethnicity. Colorism highlights biases that proliferate between persons who are members of different ethnic groups as well as biases that proliferate between persons who are members of the same ethnic group. It is the belief that someone with any degree of lighter complexion is considered more beautiful or valuable than someone with dark skin.

Everything about her is flawless.

But not everyone agrees.

Research has found extensive evidence of discrimination based on skin color in criminal justice, business, the economy, housing, health care, media, and politics in the United States and Europe. Lighter skin tones are considered preferable in many countries in Africa, Asia and South America.

After having our daughter, we went on to have two more children the same shade as our oldest, so child number two has always stood out as being different. As her mama, the difference is subtle, inconsequential. It's something I notice but regard as a gift: A beautiful brown baby girl.

My feelings towards her were never an issue or a question, and she fills her father's heart to unimaginable dimensions. She's a mama's girl, a daddy's girl, and legitimately the favored sibling of every sibling. But what my naivete hid was what a big hairy deal her skin color would be for other people. Other people and all of their many, many questions.

[It's a hurtful question because I am her biological mom, and it's a hurtful question if I wasn't. Just no.] Do you and your sister have the same dad? [Dumbest question ever. It's such an ignorant thought that I have a hard time complaining about it coherently, but basically...it's rude. I grew up with this question ALL THE TIME because there is a huge age difference between me and my full siblings. Just no.] Why are you so much darker than the rest of your family? Why is your sister so much darker than you? [My darker-skinned daughter fumbles when this question comes her way, but her spunky, out-spoken older sister handles her business when she's asked about this. Big sister to the rescue every time!] What does it feel like to have such dark skin? [She came and asked me how to answer the question. I told her to say that it feels GREAT! I also told her to say that the question makes her uncomfortable because it does. She said the first part, but her sweet personality prevented her from getting the second part out the way I had instructed.] Do you like your skin? [This was very confusing for her. She found it such an odd question because "Doesn't everyone like their skin?"] How on earth did she end up so "black?" [This one almost landed my husband in a bit of an "altercation." This man who NEVER loses his temper. This man who has never been in a fight. Ever. This man who wouldn't harm a fly or lay his hands on anyone...had eyes that flashed fire when someone asked this question in a tone dripping with disdain. Right in front of our little girl. I do believe that he would have punched the man who said it had I not been there.

Because of the race-based conversations so prevalent in our nation now, many may think that these questions and the comments and the stares and the furrowed brows usually come from white people.

But that is not the case.

Not even close.

The most cutting, derogatory, painful comments are from the Black peanut gallery.

White people show their colorism in other ways. Preferences. Tendencies. Votes. Employment decisions. Insults masked as compliments (i.e. "You're so pretty for a black girl.").

And given the history of colorism, none of this should come as a surprise. But expected things don't necessarily hurt less. You can just brace yourself for the impending pain.

When deciding how to approach colorism in my family, I vacillated between three options:

Don't talk about it ever. Let them figure it out through their own lived experiences. Don't talk about it now. Wait until they're older. Don't ruin their innocence. Talk about it early and often. The option of innocence has been removed from the table and silence leads to shame.

If you've been following me for a while, you probably already know that I totally and absolutely went for Option 3. But what you may not realize is that I seriously considered the other options too.

I didn't know HOW to talk about colorism.

Admittedly, it would be much easier for me to discuss if the subject of some people's dismay (my daughter) wasn't sitting on my lap while I'm dropping the bomb. How do I tell my child that some people - people who look like her and others - will not prefer her because they have been socialized to be blind to her beauty? How do I tell her that some will draw all manner of negative associations because of her hue? How do I explain that her light-skinned silky-haired sister will be more highly regarded by those who are ignorant and those who have intentional malice in their hearts?

I certainly considered that I would just let her figure it out if and when it came up so she could draw her own conclusions.

Or I would tell all of my kids about it when they were more mature so they could continue being carefree children before having to take on the weight of this issue.

But ultimately, I decided that I want to be in control of the narrative.

I want to be the one to tell them straight-out what colorism is, where it came from, why it continues to exist, how dumb it is, what it looks like, what it means, what power it has over the flesh, its lack of power over the spirit, how to recognize it, how to rebel against it, and what to do when it lands at your feet.

And I chose to do all of that in the way I know best: through a series of conversations interwoven with stories.

I used books.

For more info, check out Teaching Colorism: The Power of a Story (Part 2) where I share the specific books I've used to jumpstart these discussions with my children.

In the meantime, here are some resources if you'd like to learn more about colorism:

You can find me on Instagram at @heritagemomblog. See you there!

Books & Things: Agreeing to Disagree - Heritage Mom

I've made a point not to disparage curricula, books, services, or products that fellow homeschool moms have created for this community. In fact, I've gone out of my way to state that I respect the work that has been done to provide booklists, lesson plans, and other resources.

Including #OwnVoices Books - Heritage Mom

Q: Amber, how do you feel about books featuring Black characters or people written by non-Black authors?

Stories From Modern Day Africa - Heritage Mom

For world history and geography studies, I like for my kids to read plenty of stories from modern-day Africa. I've shared picture books and chapter books about African kingdoms in the past, and I love those stories, but books covering African people and events of the 20th and 21st centuries are also imperative.

20th-Century Black History Books - Heritage Mom

Share on Facebook Save to Pinterest These 20th-Century Black History Books cover a period of history during which segregation tightened and racial oppression escalated across the United States. Uniquely, it also includes years of immense progress and explosive creative expression among Black Americans who found ways to survive and even thrive amid incredibly unjust circumstances.

Black American Fiction (1900s) - Heritage Mom

Black American fiction takes readers on a journey to a past time and place alongside present-day stories with a historical twist.

Books & Things: Agreeing to Disagree - Heritage Mom

Including #OwnVoices Books - Heritage Mom

Stories From Modern Day Africa - Heritage Mom

20th-Century Black History Books - Heritage Mom

Black American Fiction (1900s) - Heritage Mom

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